This has nothing to do with New Year's, but probably everything to do with it. It's the time for folks to make Resolutions, determined to change their lives for the better. And so I find myself sitting here at the lowest point that I've ever been. Like everyone else, I'm trying to turn my life around for the better.
2015 was a tough year. The first part of the year, I watched my dad succumb to the dementia that he had been fighting for years. He finally just got tired of fighting. Not to say that he gave up, but he reached the point where he was ok with the inevitable: there's a time for all of us to exit the stage. The night he passed away, my wife and I were in his room, trying to keep him comfortable. All at once, he sat up and looked at me before laying back down. I walked over and whispered to him that it was ok for him to go, that his baby boy would be alright. I went home to relax and within 3 hours I received that phone call that you never want to receive.
2015 was also rough because I've had to face and confront my own demons, which is never easy and never fun. After getting an official diagnosis of Clinical Depression in 2014, I've tried to beat it. Like a broken leg or the flu, I put all my effort into beating depression and moving on with my life. But that's not how this works. Not at all. Depression is an every day struggle. Depression means monitoring medications and talking to mental professionals and honest evaluation. It's not easy, but it's necessary.
I haven't been fair to a lot of people in my life, specifically my wife and my children. They've paid the biggest price for my own selfish, "I can handle it" attitude. While I can't turn back the clock and erase past mistakes (of which there are plenty), I can work hard toward a brighter and better tomorrow. I owe it to myself, my girls and my friends and family to be better in 2016.... so, TB 2.0 it is.
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